Build Your Round Table
In honor of February being the month of love, I want to touch on relationships. If you’re a client of mine, you know there are 12 pillars to the circle of life: career, physical activity, spirituality, RELATIONSHIPS, health, home cooking, home environment, education, social life, joy, creativity, and finances. The four most influential pillars are relationships, spirituality, physical activity, and career. Relationships are THE most critical pillar in the circle of life.
How are you doing in the area of relationships?
For a moment, I want you to imagine that you are the Queen (or King) of your castle, and every week, you have a meeting at THE round table with your closest allies and affiliates. Each week, you lead discussions covering the nature of you and your community wellness; it’s an opportunity to make changes, discover truths, and become more aware of how you allow yourself to be a vessel of the divine. In real-time, these connections are with your spouse, children, friends, mentor, doctor, therapist, nanny, business partner, fitness coach, coworker, client… You get it. Now the question is, are YOU and the people you’ve chosen to sit at your round table adding value and wellness to you and the community you are building? This is a reflective question for you to take a moment and analyze the group of people you consider close connections with and who have an impact and influence over your life and the day-to-day decisions you make. The key to picking your chosen tribe of goodness gladiators is understanding your needs first, establishing trust, becoming aware of your areas of change, crafting healthy boundaries, and constantly moving in a flow of compassion and genuine authenticity.
How is your Round Table looking?
Let’s start with romantic relationships; these particular relationships can create some interesting thoughts, can be highly self-exposing, and can have the ability to send us straight into fight or flight. Dr. Harville Hendrix developed the idea of IMAGO, the connection between frustrations in adult relationships and childhood experiences. This idea supports the that the power of connection is based upon an infant's connection with its parents. That is the foundation for instilled relationship patterns when that infant becomes an adult. Essentially, Hendrix supports the reality that we fall in love with people similar to the parts of our caretakers we had the most difficulty with. I don’t know about you, but that was a hard pill for me to swallow. You’ll be relieved to learn that the mind does this to repair and recover the original ruptured connection. Which then makes room to establish healthy and loving romantic relationships. It is the source of healing. When it comes to your romantic partnerships, to create safety, you have to think about this relationship as always having potential through empathy, validation, and openness. Intimacy (mental, physical, spiritual) is the glue that keeps it all together. It requires the same level of effort you put into each other at the beginning of your relationship that brought you to “I do” amid each other's day-to-day transactions that keep your castle THRIVING. This person has the most influential voice at your round table and is deeply connected to the nature of your community wellness.
Next to your partner, who do you spend the most time with?
The greatest prediction of longevity is your friend group. Before getting engaged to my now husband, I went through a MAJOR friendship detox. It was interesting, to say the least. I quickly became aware of what it meant to have healthy boundaries and have friendships that honored those boundaries. When building and maintaining healthy friendships, trust that vibes don’t lie and energy either flows or resists. However, in my opinion, it’s unrealistic to believe that friendships will always be 50/50. Part of being a good friend is understanding that even your closest gal pal may not have the capacity to meet your 100%, or maybe not even your 50%, all the time. What’s important is that whatever they give you is real, and regardless of their circumstances, they’re choosing to lift you up rather than pulling you down. The space between you is pure, authentic, and genuine. It is not uncommon for many individuals to feel depleted and robbed of energy from people they consider their best and closest friends. Some questions to consider when selecting your greatest allies and giving them a seat at your round table are: How much impact do they have on my decision-making? Is it a positive impact or a negative one? Do my friends have pure intentions? Do they give me space to handle my priorities? Note that bad and good habits are team sports; be around people supporting positive behavior. Someone who promotes negative behavior is not a friend; it's an accomplice.
The last relationship I want to discuss is also one of the most important: the individuals you choose to take a position as your Health Affiliate, aka your medically licensed practitioners and certified health coaches (it’s me, I’m HER.) I believe society has allowed us to think that only health professionals hold the key to our health legacy or lack thereof. Many people rely heavily on the opinions of specialists who are disconnected from them and know nothing of them and their daily routines. Yet, they quickly follow a protocol that may not even address the root cause of their primary health concerns. I advise connecting with health specialists who are just as curious about you as an individual as you are about how they can help heal you. Find someone who sheds light on the fact that nobody knows your body better than you do, which activates hope and belief and induces self-trust. This person(s) is a force, a healing transmission of Divine Love.
Now, think about it. Who TRULY has the honor of having a seat at your Round Table? And do you take full responsibility for granting those individuals such a position?
